The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize