Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
