At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
