Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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