would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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