Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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