i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
