theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ladies don't puke and tell
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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