we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
