i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're a waste of cheezeits
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
