She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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