Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
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I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
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Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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