Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
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