Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
