I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Welp...herpes.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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