Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"