i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween