Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dicks are not precious.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory