u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
never play flip cup with pint glasses
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
