He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
