I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize