He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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