so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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