well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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