True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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