but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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