Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
