she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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