How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
