you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
