Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
