shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
