I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
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We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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