When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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