At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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