yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
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We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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