i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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