Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
