margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
