saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
