You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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