She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
