i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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