i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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