i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
