I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
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Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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