Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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