i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This is my gift to your gina
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
