I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
