I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
