Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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