just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
