WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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