I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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