I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
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You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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