I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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